Things Change.

So Basically Life goes on, and things come up and we decide what we want to do with our lives, and where we want to be, and then something usually gets in the way, actually something always gets in the way.

My Plan: I wanted to finish school with a bachelors degree in two and a half years, and then probably get married, and work for like 4 years and then have kids right? okay so that's simple right. Well I would graduate at that rate when i was twenty one almost twenty two I think.

The interruption: I think I have pretty much decided to go on a mission. It just feels like the right thing to do. I know I'm only nineteen and I cant go until I'm twenty one but I can send my papers in early, regardless I have a lot of time, and why decide now? Call me crazy I guess. I love the gospel, and I've never had a problem sharing it. It just comes naturally to me, and I'm so grateful for that gift. Being out here in Utah has made me realize even more the love that I have for this gospel, and others, and how I want to bring more people to Christ. And bring them truth.

So my plans for that are demolished. I mean maybe I will finish school and then go on one, but it may be a nice break to just leave like with two semesters to go. I don't have to decide that just now though. I can wait. But I will need to get the money. I need a job =0 I wont be able to take 18 credits with a job. At least I don't think I will be able to. But then again I did do a lot in High school and I managed to survive on 5 hours of sleep every night.

What I do know, is that I'm doing the right thing. That I am suppose to be here in St. George. I know I can do whatever I put my mind to. More importantly I can do whatever I have faith in the Lord to do. His will be done. That's what it comes down. Putting your trust in Him, and having faith that things will turn out.

Defined

So being out here, i've learned a lot about myself, what I can handle and what I can't. Like I like to stay up late when I don't have to get up early. I plan ahead I always knew that, but I obsess. I hate missing the opening prayer to things. It bothers me. I get things done right when they are handed to me. I miss Brian a lot. I want to get school done fast. I love seeing the gospel change peoples lives. I have stopped biting my nails. Which is a great thing. I read my scriptures in my free time. I miss home a lot. I need the sun. Which I have here so thats a good thing. I put too much pressure on myself to do well, so when I don't do well I get sad, an feel worthless. I need food about every 3 hours or I am grumpy. I don't like it when people tease me. I didn't grow up like that so I don't intend on changing that part about me. It comes off rude to me. I get annoyed really easily when people take things too far. I want to slap people. I like movies no one else likes. I am a serious person and only my best friends no that I have a humorous side. I want to make others better. I want to bring others up.

I am considerate of others. I do things when I'm not told to. I do the things others don't do because they are too lazy. Like picking up trash on the stairs. I hate walking through grass but I will do it to get some place faster. If I died tomorrow I would want my head stone to say "always had it together". Because I do. Everything is always planned out, and most of the time it gets done that way too. I dont put trust in others very easily. I am always let down, so thats why I do a lot of things myself. In my mind if I don't do them, then it wont get done the way I want it to. I swear my wedding planner will be my best friend because I cant handle the stupid crap. I pay attention to everything around me, but I overlook the little things. I watch how people react to things. I alway wonder what people are thinking about in the cafeteria. I've tried making new friends, but no one seems to fit the way people used to.

I am different. I know what I'm good at and I know what I suck at. I have confidence, but I don't boast. I want to be a jack of all trades. I want to know how to do everything. My papa is who I want to be when I'm old. I want to be who he is now. He inspires me. If I nap during the day I wont sleep at night. When bugs don't attack me they are interesting to watch. My fish darwin entertains me frequently, though, he only swims up and down and stares. If someone will listen I can talk for hours. My thoughts arent random. They lead from one thing to another. They make sense. I plan for the future a lot, and I probably always will, because I truly believe that Ghandi's words, " what we do today will be present in our future", is so true. I hate talking about politics. I see both sides, and I hate the bickering. You wont change someone talking about politics. Its dumb. I love the sound of rain.

I don't watch TV, or the news. I'm not ignorant. I get my news from the internet. TV brainwashes you. It's a proven fact. I love my mom she is my best friend. I love getting pedicures. My toes are always painted. I like to feel pretty majority of the time. I like to be outside. I remember random things. But I don't remember facts on history. What I really want to do with my life is simple. Be a wife, and raise my children, travel the world, and help others. I will succeed at that.

There's a lot to me. I'm not complicated, I just know who I am.

Doubt

Doubt is not exactly the word I'm looking for. Maybe concern, goals, or change is better. I'm debating on coming back home to Florida to school. I miss it here without a doubt. I miss my missionary experiences that I would get everyday. I miss the weather and all the little things in between. I wanted to get away and out so fast, and now I just want to go back home. Its ridiculous. So over Christmas Break I will probably be applying to another school. Either FSU or FGCU. Annie and I have talked back and forth about it. Change is good, But there are something thats I'm not okay with. And its not a bad thing at all.

So besides that, my trip here as been awesome. =]

Its official. I have stopped biting my nails. I know that no one really reads this, but I feel the need to express my accomplishment. Its taken a while.

I'm excited to go back to my new home.

I miss Kristin Alayna and Annika.

A month until my birthday! I get to go up to Salt Lake! Woo Hoo!

Flying East

I get to go home tomorrow! Can't wait!

Darwin. "What a captivating creature he is" as Kristin says strongly.

He truly is though. He is a funny little guy. I have some bamboo where he dwells, and he manages to slip though two strands of it with a breeze. He will come up to the glass and move his head back and forth like he is about to cross the street. Kristin was reading a story to me for out English class and I just sat watching him. I get lost in him. Really I do.